I’ll Tell You What I Want (What I Really, Really Want)
Ever have a dream so deep within you that you almost don’t want to admit it?
I have. I do.
While it’s been no secret that I have a heart to do missions and want to lead others to go, I’ve been mildly afraid to boldly, straight-forwardly say, “I am at the Center for Global Action (CGA) right now because I want to squad lead for the World Race in the near future. I want to lead and disciple a group of 30-50 young people on the mission field and help them bring God’s Kingdom to the nations to the best of my ability. It doesn’t matter how long ago I went on the World Race, what happened on my World Race, or what has happened since my World Race. I believe God is leading me to squad lead, and that is what I want. That is what I am working toward.”
For months (and maybe longer), I’ve been sugar-coating my goal to squad lead as a self-defense mechanism – probably to keep myself from ever being disappointed if things don’t go as planned. I’ve been using tons of qualifiers like “maybe,” “possibly,” “potentially,” under the disguise of being open, instead of just being confident. And as a result, my ability to explain vision has suffered.
But I’m beginning to discover how to be humble and open, and also real with what I want at the same time. Because as utterly frightening as publicly communicating your vision can be, I’m learning that it is also a big part of what it means to lead well.
I didn’t end up at CGA on accident. I can pinpoint a moment, almost a year ago, where I was journaling on my birthday and surrendered all my dreams to the Lord, including the desire to squad lead. Now, fast forwarding to a year later, I am here at CGA as a strategic step toward my vision to squad lead and do it well.
I’ve been here for just under three weeks, and so far my time has been fruitful and full of growth. We’re doing so many different things in CGA – from practicing our public speaking skills, to having thought-provoking discussions about humility and vulnerability, to doing a Bible study on the book of Nehemiah, and so much more.
In our study of Nehemiah, this verse particularly stood out to me.
“And I told no one what my God had put into my heart to do for Jerusalem.” Nehemiah 2:12
Nehemiah had fasted and prayed for months, heard from God that he was called to lead the rebuilding of the wall around Jerusalem, spoke with the king he had been serving and received a blessing to go to Jerusalem, and then scoped out the situation. And yet he still hadn’t communicated what his vision was to any other people.
This completely resonated with me. At first, I rejoiced thinking this verse justified not being vocal about my desire to squad lead.
“Perfect. I’ll just keep it right here in my heart. Confirmation,” I thought.
But then I kept reading about how once Nehemiah was in Jerusalem, he realized the vision was too big for him to complete on his own.
Now that I’m back at Adventures in Missions, I’m beginning to acknowledge that my vision is far beyond just this season at CGA and way too big to complete on my own.
Not only do I still need to meet impending fundraising deadlines to stay in CGA, but to work toward leading trips and squad leading means I’m about to enter an extended season of fundraising that could last for years.
I need to build a team of partners. And to build a team, you have to tell people.
That’s what Nehemiah did.
And the officials did not know where I had gone or what I was doing, and I had not yet told the Jews, the priests, the nobles, the officials, and the rest who were to do the work. Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in, how Jerusalem lies in ruins with its gates burned. Come, let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer suffer derision.” And I told them of the hand of my God that had been upon me for good, and also of the words that the king had spoken to me. And they said, “Let us rise up and build.” So they strengthened their hands for the good work. Nehemiah 2:16-18
The following chapters describe how, after Nehemiah called his team together, all the people took a small part of the task and focused on it. That’s what I’m asking for you to do. I’m not asking anyone to deplete their bank account or go beyond their means. But I am asking for you to chip in, to be stretched in generosity, to play a part, and help me succeed in the vision that God has placed in my heart.
The world is full of brokenness. We see it in news story after news story and all around us. But I believe, with all of my being, that Jesus is what this world needs. Knowing His love and salvation and goodness has changed my life, and I want everyone to know about it. Jesus is the real deal. He is the hope that this world needs. And we, as the Church, have the opportunity to build God’s Kingdom on this earth.
That’s what Adventures in Missions is about. And that’s what I want do. I want to lead others into the fullness of what God has for them so they can pour God’s fullness out among the nations. It’s worth it all. But I can’t do it without you.
Will you help me? Will you join my team?
I won’t keep the vision to myself anymore.
“Let us rise up and build.”
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PRAYER REQUESTS – WEEK OF 6/5
– Training Camp for the World Race begins this week! Through CGA, we will get to be part of serving and sending hundreds of young adults (5 squads) into the nations. Please pray for God to move in the hearts of these willing believers as they prepare to go! Please pray for our team and the Adventures in Missions leaders as they work hard to invest in and mobilize these squads.
– Please pray for finances! I need $1,240 to meet my upcoming fundraising deadline on June 15, and $3,690 total. Also, although I started work at Chick-Fil-A this week, money has been tight. Please pray for me as I aim to be disciplined in my finances.
– Please pray for my dear friend, Hannah Shope, as she finishes her last month of the World Race this month. She is on L Squad in South America, and I am praying for her to finish well and also have a safe return and smooth transition back to the U.S.
